Can you learn to be a great parent?

 Can you learn to be a great parent? Many would argue NO, because the parent style you were reared with, will become your dominant style, no matter what you try and do to change it! BUT many of the experts will answer YES! If you want to do something and change the way you behave- You absolutely can do it!

(credit: The Train To Crazy)

In America, they have a wonderful system called the NEPEM system. This is the National Extension Parent Educational Model.

This has been developed to educate parents to become successful in raising well-developed, emotionally secure children. They have this to say about nurturing:

"To Nurture children may be the most important contribution parents can offer their children. Nurturing by parents predicts that a child will develop into a competent and healthy adult. Nurturing can be challenging because a family’s emotional resources often are overextended. Children also have different needs and different preferences for nurturing behaviour. By learning to attend to their children’s needs, by building a positive relationship, and by sending consistent messages of love and support, parents can be effective nurturers. 

Critical Nurture Practices 

■ Express affection and compassion. 

■ Foster children’s self-respect and hope. 

■ Listen and attend to children’s feelings and ideas.

 ■ Teach kindness. 

■ Provide for nutrition, shelter, clothing, health, and safety needs of one’s children. 

■ Celebrate life with one’s children. 

■ Help children feel connected to family history and cultural heritage."

My daughter is 24-years-old already, and I absolutely yearn for the clock to be turned back to her birth. I would do so many things differently. Most parents can easily provide the basics- food, clothing, health, shelter and safety, but in this hurried world of ours, where time has become so precious, are we rounding the edges of our children to be smooth and well-polished like glass in an ocean, or are bumping and grinding them along like glass in a bag that keeps getting hit occasionally?



There are many factors which play a role in being a great parent. When we analyse the Parenting Pyramid, the foundation layer of the pyramid is YOUR PERSONAL WAY OF BEING. This is you, how you are, what makes you tick, your behaviour. 

The next layer is YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. This is the proving ground for your off-spring. The example-builder of yourself as people and how you manage the children together. The next layer is THE PARENT/CHILD RELATIONSHIP. You need to have love, love and more love and your boundaries need to be in place and adjusted as they grow and develop as people. Trust and respect is a two-way street. 

The next layer is TEACHING. To effectively correct and teach your children, you must have a strong relationship. You must also spend more time teaching and training than managing with discipline. 

The tiny final layer at the top of the pyramid is CORRECTION. This should be where you spend the least amount of time. Effective correction is usually avoided when you spend time on effective teaching. This does not mean hitting and demeaning. NO. 

Physical punishment should be avoided at all costs. But that is the topic of my next blog- How do you spare the rod and not spoil the child?

References

https://www.k-state.edu/wwparent/nepem/nepem.pdf. (Smith, C. A., Cudaback, D., Goddard, H. W., & Myers-Walls, J. (1994). NATIONAL EXTENSION PARENT EDUCATION MODEL Manhattan, Kansas: Kansas Cooperative Extension Service. May, 1994). 

Company, T.A. (1998). The Parenting Pyramid.

https://iamthephoenixrising.wordpress.com/2019/05/31/parenting-series-1-of-3-the-parenting-pyramid/

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